


Castmates... Cast Away

by wanheedaa



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Other, also ella keeps misplacing things, confused hailee, cough cough, honestly idk why im doing this cuz im so busy but here we go, pre-smut????, ratings will also change as we continue, supportive and comforting ella, tags will be added while we continue, volcanoes ahem ahem, well the smut arrived, youre welcome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-25 09:09:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30086781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanheedaa/pseuds/wanheedaa
Summary: Their journey begins in the first day of taping the first episode of Dickinson season 1.This is the story of two girls trying to navigate through the sea of their emotions and into—hopefully— serene shores within each other.
Relationships: Emily Dickinson & Susan Gilbert Dickinson, Emily Dickinson/Susan Gilbert Dickinson
Comments: 32
Kudos: 59





	1. Before their Meagre Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 1

Before their Meagre Introductions

Hailee’s POV

Hailee was woken by the young rays of sunlight streaming through her drapes in her new apartment—It was the crack of dawn. Hailee has been working for as long as she can remember, so mornings were the easiest part of her day, if not the most enjoyable. She stretched her limbs as she climbed out of bed to draw the drapes and let the light penetrate her hollow apartment. Upon purchasing it, she has tried to decorate the place with pictures of family and knickknacks from home, but she knew something was still missing—It still did not feel like home. Shaking these saddening thoughts from her brain, she focused instead on the fact that this will only be a temporary placement. It is her refuge during filming and during filming only. Her home, she knows, is elsewhere and she doesn’t know if she has the will to find a home in every place she goes.

  
4am.

Hailee hummed a catchy little tune that she has been working on (but not yet fully formulated, much less release) as she took herself through her morning routine: a quick face wash and brushing of teeth. Once she feels that she has rinsed of the dredges of sleep from her body, she changed into a casual gym outfit: her favourite leggings, sports bra, and sneakers. She then put her long, wavy locks into a sturdy ponytail at the crown of her head as she prepared a smoothie to give her the energy to get moving at the gym. People always thought she was crazy for actually enjoying working out in the crack of dawn, but Hailee has done this routine with her dad for as long as she could remember. Furthermore, this particular part of her routine made her feel like home—like herself. When she finished her smoothie, she grabbed her keys and made her way into the mini gym in her building.

It was going to be a good day.

6am.

Hailee had finished her workout some time ago and she was feeling energized as she prepared to go to set. Today was the first day of shooting her new show and as much as she wouldn’t like to admit it, she was nervous. There were too many unknowns and she was scared she wouldn’t find peace within them. Aside from that, she was excited to play the great Emily Dickinson. She had read her poems in school and was instantly enamoured by them. She considered it the greatest pleasure to bring Emily’s life—as trivial as it sounds—to life.  
As she perused her wardrobe, she decided to dress as comfortably as she could. After all, she would have to wear corsets under 50 layers of fabric very soon and every but of comfort counts. She decided on her favourite pair of faded blue jeans, an oversized red Looney Tunes crewneck sweater, and black Old Skool Vans.

Equally excited and apprehensive, Hailee left her house bursting with the reason she was the perfect person to play Emily Dickinson: an open heart and a willing mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up wanting to write a story and it literally hurt my brain resisting it. So, busy schedules and chronic fatigue aside, here is my little tidbit of my little story. I hope my brain thanks me for this creative release-- that bastard.
> 
> P.S. I really hope I stick with writing this story. Goddesses of literature, motivate me!
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


	2. Meagre Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailee arrives to set on the first day and briefly meets the cast for the first time-- and Ella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 2

Meagre Introductions

Hailee’s POV

Hailee sauntered into the set while balancing a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and a half-eaten cream cheese bagel in the other. People—spectators and fans alike—always assume that she’s always this organized, flawless, reserved person but the truth is that she is still a teenager, despite being in the industry for so long. However, for fear of discrimination or judgement, she makes a considerable effort to remain poised and formal through most business interactions, saving her true self for those who break her walls and truly see her.

As one expects of a set on the first day of filming, there was chaos: crewpersons lugging around or pushing carts of equipment; assistants weaving through the mess of wires on the floor; and producers holding stacks of papers in their hands and barking commands to whomever they can see. It was chaos, but to Hailee, it felt like a homecoming. A soft, gentle smile appeared on her face watching the scene unfold in front of her. She has gone through some personal troubles lately and being stuck at home with the miserable company of her overpowering thoughts and emotions was starting to take a toll on her health. Starting a new job, to her, was a new challenge and, especially now, a very welcome distraction.

“Hailee!”

Whipping her head to the mention of her name, Hailee saw that it was Alena, the writer of the show. Sighing in relief at being given some sort of direction, Hailee walked over to meet the genius behind her new show.

“Alena, how are you doing?” Hailee greeted the woman with a soft hug. “Everyone seems to be ready to go already.”

Alena laughed at Hailee’s comment. “The first day is always the most challenging. I’d be lucky if we get a half of an episode’s worth of footage today.” Alena then started to walk towards a quieter hallway, away from the bustling set, and motioned for Hailee to follow.

“Come and meet your castmates! They’re reading through today’s script while waiting for wardrobe.”

“S-Sure!” Hailee responded and tried to qualm the nerves in her stomach as she followed Alena towards the room at the end of the hall marked “costumes.” Hailee was a fairly social person. She has a bubbly, pleasant personality that most people gravitate towards. It was never difficult to make friends in any given social situation, but there is always the unavoidable anxiety that comes with first—meager—introductions. 

Upon reaching the room, Alena quickly introduced Hailee to her castmates. “Meet Adrian. He will be playing Austin Dickinson, your on-screen brother.” Hailee and Adrian exchanged pleasantries and Alena continued to do the same with Anna (who plays her on-screen sister, Lavinia Dickinson), Jane (her on-screen mother), and Toby (her on-screen father).

“Where’s Ella?” Alena stated in confusion. “I thought she had arrived.”

“She’s in make-up!” one of the assistants who overheard the conversation responded to provide some clarity on the situation. 

“Oh, thank God.” Alena mumbled, placing her hand upon her heart, and turned to Hailee with a smile. “Alright, my dear. Ella is already in make-up and that’s where you’re supposed to be headed anyway, so why don’t I let one of the assistants take you there so you can get your makeup done and get acquainted?”

Hailee nodded in agreement and in less than a second, an assistant introduced herself to her and was gently leading her towards the makeup room.

Hailee gulped, feeling more nervous than before. She hadn’t met Ella before. She was already nervous about portraying a queer love-interest so openly in modern TV. It’s not that Hailee was against the open portrayal of queer love in TV, but she hadn’t done this before and she wanted to do it right and give justice to Emily Dickinson’s love. Hailee, personally, had no trouble finding beauty in women and often admired them. However, she never once had to question her sexuality. She was interested in men and always had been. But that was until—

“Ella!”

All Hailee could remember was the flashing image of short, brown hair before she was trapped in those beautiful brown eyes that sparkled with an enticing mix of sincerity and mischief. Hailee stopped dead in her tracks with her breath stuck in her throat as she continued to traverse deeper into the doe-eyed enigma. Forcing her eyes to travel downwards, Hailee noticed that Ella was wearing the softest faded white crewneck sweater with a Mickey Mouse logo pasted in the middle. The cuffs of her sleeves were slightly rolled as the sweater was evidently too big for her small frame and Hailee’s heart fluttered at that thought.

_Oh, f-_

“H- hi, hello!” Hailee managed to choke out as she forced her legs to function as anatomically intended. She took a few shaky steps and managed to escape making a fool of herself as she grasped Ella’s outstretched hand, feeling immediately the warmth and comfort that her co-worker emanates.

Ella chuckled at witnessing Hailee’s evident emotional conundrum and motioned for her co-worker to be sat on the makeup chair beside hers. “Come on, Em, don’t be shy,” Ella said, with a sly wink. “Might as well get accustomed to our roles now, right? It’s going to be a long day of shooting.”

“Right,” Hailee cleared her throat and attempted to appear as though she has regained—no, as though she had never lost—her composure.

“My Sue,” Emily replied with a smile, feeling an instant wave of emotion run through her body by saying those two simple words.

“My Emily,” Ella replied assuredly, her soft smile stretching into a grin brighter than the moon in a starless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squeezed in some writing after doing some work and now my head hurts-- time to do a reading break! Currently reading Dune and Emily Dickinson's collection of poems simultaneously. If I decide to write another chapter tonight, no one knows.
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


	3. The Santuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailee and Ella spend their breaks between filming with nothing but darkness, poetry, and soft caress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 3

The Sanctuary

Ella’s POV

“God, I can’t believe I was once excited to wear this crap.”

Ella let out a chuckle at Hailee’s distress. They had just finished filming for the day, so they were able to change out of their dresses. However, there was a brainstorming session with the writers and the cast that night, which prevented them from spending the night in the comfort of their homes. Ella loved wearing the costumes that brought Emily Dickinson’s show back from the afterlife, but she found that spending hours upon hours of wearing corsets and layers of fabric actually causes physical exhaustion.

Ella looked at her co-star, hiked up an eyebrow, motioned to her own half-removed corset, and said, “You know what they say: misery truly does love company.” Hailee merely groaned, seemingly in too much discomfort to throw a shady retort.

Ella took the moment to look at herself in the massive, oak-framed, full-length mirror situated in the costumes room. They’ve been filming the first season of Dickinson for two weeks now and she was proud to say that she’s happy. The show’s premise was nothing short of spectacular and her castmates and crew were amazing. One castmate in particular amazed her more than the others, but that’s not something she’s ready to face. Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice beckoning her.

“El?”

Hailee was standing across the room, near the door leading to their special place. “We’ve got an hour before we start the brainstorming meeting…”

Ella noticed that Hailee—now clad in sweats, sneakers, and a hoodie— looked a little fidgety and hesitated to state her request. Ella smiled to herself at her co-star’s awkwardness, which she found rather endearing. “You want me to read to you again, don’t you?”

Hailee blushed and let out a shy laugh. “Please,” Hailee replied, jutting out her bottom lip like a child asking for an extra serving of ice cream after dinner.

Instead of answering, Ella smiled and started walking towards Hailee and the door. Together, they continued towards the direction of their newfound special place—their sanctuary.

The set of Dickinson was a spacious establishment. Naturally, there were unoccupied rooms that, once found, could be transformed into said founder’s makeshift sanctuary, away from the bustling environment of the set and life’s general worries. This place was where they could breathe and talk freely, surrounded by darkness and the comfort they found only in each other.

Their special place was an accidental find by Hailee. One day, the girl was in such desperate need to find a bathroom that she started opening doors one by one until she found this gem. It was a small room; dark, save for a small skylight atop the middle of the room. Excited to tell Ella, she almost rushed back to the set before remembering the true reason why she needed to open all those doors in the first place: to relieve her bladder.

Now, whenever there were breaks in filming, rather than nap on couches with the rest of their castmates, Ella and Hailee often snuck away, succumbing to their cravings for their personal sanctuary. They opened the door to their hideaway. Immediately, the familiar scent of aging wood eased the tension from their bodies and instantly brought to them a sweet sense of serenity.

On one of the walls, right next to where the moonlight penetrates the skylight, is a pile of cushions and blankets that the two girls have used in their nights of talking, reading, and sometimes just relishing in the comfortable silence. Ella grabbed the battered book of Emily Dickinson’s poetry from a small table and sat on the cushions, tapping the space beside her for Hailee to occupy. Hailee took her spot next to Ella, but rather than sit beside her, she pulled a blanket over her body and laid her head in Ella’s lap. Ella heard Hailee release a big sigh and she automatically ran her fingers through Hailee’s hair, massaging the stress away. Hailee hummed in contempt and placed her hand on Ella’s knee, right next to where she had laid her head.

“You know, Hailee, _you’re_ supposed to be Emily Dickinson,” Ella joked. “You _play_ Emily Dickinson. I don’t know why I’m the one reading these to you.”

Hailee lightly slapped Ella’s knee and replied. “Mmm, I’ve never been good at poetry. I mean, I see its beauty, but I’ve just never felt like the person to fully encompass that. The way you read it makes it sound more beautiful than I ever could in any life I could ever live.”

Ella’s heart fluttered. She didn’t expect Hailee too respond to her joke with such honesty and vulnerability—much less pure adoration. She smiled as she looked down at the messy-haired girl below her, relishing the comfort of Hailee’s body against hers.

“Maybe it’s the accent,” Ella said, which caused Hailee’s body to vibrate with laughter.

“You’re right,” Hailee said as she turned to briefly look at her co-star’s face before returning to her previous position. “British accents are _totally_ sexy. It’s a vibe.”

Ella laughed at that, causing Hailee to slap her knee once again. “So you think I’m sexy, huh?” Ella teased, trying to ignore the butterflies that seemed to consume her whenever she shared these intimate moments with her co-star.

“Start reading, ugly,” Hailee grumbled, and Ella let out another soft laugh before opening the book in her hands.

_It’s all I have to bring today—_

_This, and my heart beside—_

_This, and my heart, and all the fields—_

_And all the meadows wide—_

As Ella continued to read the poem, she drifted away, anchored by the parts of her body Hailee touched. In her life, she had known peace, but nothing she’s experienced ever felt like this. Nothing compares to the way her worries dissolve when Hailee glances at her and cracks a smile in her direction. Nothing compares to the feeling of complete and utter satisfaction that she feels when she’s alone with Hailee and the moonlight. Those thoughts have been plaguing her brain since the first day of filming and she didn’t know how to approach it. What was she feeling? Was it love? Has she been single for so long that she’s starting to seek emotional connection with anyone willing to give it? Or was she seeking Hailee?

“El?”

A soft voice brought Ella out of her deep reverie. “Yes, dear?” she replied and continued to run her hands through Hailee’s hair.

“Emily really loved Sue, didn’t she?” Hailee asked.

Ella didn’t have to think about the answer to that question. “Yes,” she began. “ I believe wholeheartedly that Emily truly loved Sue.”

Hailee hummed her agreement, then asked a second question. “Do you think Sue loved Emily the same way?”

Ella was confused. “You mean, if Sue held romantic feelings for Emily?”

Hailee scoffed. “No, dummy. That’s obvious. Nothing in the world could keep those two from loving each other.” Hailee then twisted her torso to change positions and now she was staring straight up, directly at Ella. “I meant, do you think Sue loved Emily with the same intensity as Emily loved Sue?”

Ella stopped the movement of her hands and pondered the question Hailee posed. “I think that Sue loved Emily very deeply,” Ella began, carefully. “I think that for a woman who has lost everything, she wanted to keep Emily because she knew what it was like to lose the people that she loved. She needed to marry for economic purposes, as well as to fit her role as a woman in 19th century society, and Austin was the answer to that.”

Ella paused, trying to string the thoughts in her head to continue her response. Hailee took Ella’s now-stilled hand between hers and began to lace their fingers together. Hailee knew the look on Ella’s face; it was the look Ella had when she was _really_ thinking about something. Hailee loved asking Ella questions like this, because it provided her with the opportunity to watch Ella think with her heart and soul. It was endearing.

“Deciding to continue expressing her love for Emily was a difficult decision,” Ella continued, “especially because they were both women and she was married to Emily’s brother. One of those barriers is already frowned upon by society, so I think, in that sense, Sue did love Emily with the same kind of intensity as how Emily loved her.”

“But…?” Hailee prompted, knowing that Ella had yet to conclude her thought.

Ella looked down at the girl in her lap, a warm feeling consuming her when their eyes connected. “But I think that a poet’s love burns brighter than the sun,” Ella continued, looking at their joined hands and rubbed her thumb against the back of Hailee’s hand. “I think that no matter how intensely Sue loved Emily, Emily would find a million words to say how much she loved her more… and it wouldn’t come close to the truth.”

Hailee smiled as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, seemingly satisfied with the answer she received. “I wish I had a love like that.”

Ella smiled at the girl in her arms, leaned back against the wall, and closed her eyes. She knew it wouldn’t be long until they had to return to work—to reality—but she would be damned if she didn’t let herself relish in the sanctuary she found in Hailee.

“As do I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez, I haven't been able to stop writing since I started this series this morning. I guess when inspiration strikes, it leaves a heavy blow.
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


	4. Girls' Night (v 1): The Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella freaks out over a missing tub of Tzatziki (among many other reasons) and Hailee falls in love... with fuzzy pink slippers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 4

Girls' Night (v 1): The Calm

Ella’s POV

“Adrian, where in the _fuck_ did I put that tub of Tzatziki?!”

Ella frantically twisted and turned her body around her messy kitchen in her tiny apartment trying to find that traitorous tub of dip that abandoned her at her time of need.

“Ella, will you calm down?” Adrian’s muffled voice— though laced with both mockery and laughter—could be heard from Ella’s phone, which now seemed to be buried under a kitchen towel. Ella halted her frantic search for the missing dip and refocused on finding her missing phone, following the sound of Adrian’s lecturing voice. After moving around some plates, cutlery, and kitchen towel, she finally spotted her phone. She retrieved it with irritation, which could be attributable to Adrian’s mockery rather than the fact that she had misplaced her phone in the first place.

“Adrian,” Ella stated sternly, looking directly—as much as possible through a phone’s screen-- into her friend’s eyes on FaceTime. “First of all, telling anxious people to calm down doesn’t magically make them calm down. And second of all, why did I bother calling you if you’re not going to help me?”

“Ella,” Adrian replied, this time trying harder to conceal the smile on his face. “It’s just Hailee. You’re not preparing snacks for the Queen of Britain.”

“It’s not _just Hailee_ for me and you know this,” Ella huffed, feeling defeated.

Adrian’s expression quickly turned softer, in an apparent understanding of his dear friend and castmate’s situation. “Ella, I know that this is important to you, which is why I want you to take your time to breathe and gather yourself. Freaking out is not going to help you prepare for tonight.”

Ella’s shoulders slumped as she closed her eyes, trying to listen to her friend’s advice, even though she doesn’t want to admit that he is right. She took a few calming breaths before reopening her eyes.

“I just—I’m so nervous,” Ella admitted. “I didn’t even think Hailee was going to agree to come to my place and have snacks with me when I asked her. Now I’m so scared she’s going to see what a mess I am and never want to hang out with me again.” Ella, still holding her phone in her hands, slid down onto the cold tiles of her kitchen floor.

“She loves your friendship, so of course she would agree,” Adrian attempted to reassure his friend, not knowing the true gravity of the situation. “Besides, who wouldn’t want to hang out with you?”

Ella bit her lip as she stared at her friend’s face on her phone in silence, contemplating whether to divulge more information—sensitive information—that would help her clueless friend better understand exactly _why_ she was freaking out over this. Afraid to initiate such an important conversation at such a pressured time, Ella made a mental note to continue that particular conversation at a better time. _Not right now. Not with Hailee coming over in 30 minutes_. 

Ella took a bigger, steadying breath, and stood back up. “Alright,” she told her dear friend. “Hailee’s coming in 30 and I seriously need to get my shit together.”

Adrian laughter rang out, further reassuring Ella without her knowing exactly why. She found such comfort in Adrian’s friendship; like she could tell him anything—absolutely anything—and he wouldn’t bat an eye.

“My dear, frazzled Ella… you’re going to be absolutely fine. Now, hang up so you can get changed.”

Ella said her goodbyes, but not without agreeing to Adrian’s request that she call him immediately after to update him about what happened during her night with Hailee.

“I can do this,” Ella whispered to herself.

As if running on automatic, Ella began to prepare with greater focus than before. On a massive wooden board, she had laid a beautiful edible arrangement consisting of various cut-up fresh fruits, mounds of jams and preserves, crackers, and fresh cheeses and specialty meats. She knew that Hailee was a bit of a fitness junkie, so a “snack night” with her would need to be better than chips and soda. She had only known Hailee for a few weeks, which made it difficult for her to know exactly what foods Hailee loved, but she figured a charcuterie board held many types of food and would therefore cover more area than a singular snack choice.

Now satisfied that the charcuterie board can no longer be improved, she carefully placed it in the living room table in front of the TV. On the table are some glasses of water and empty wine glasses, one for each of them. The wines she had picked were resting in an ice bucket right beside the dining room table. Once again, she was unsure of Hailee’s preference on red or white wines, so she purchased one red and one white: a rich Merlot and her personal favourite bottle of Riesling. She set-up the couch to appear homey and inviting; she placed a handful of cushions for comfort and two fuzzy blankets, one for each of them, if it becomes cold later in the night. Ella didn’t expect Hailee to stay the night or anything like that, but she wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible during their time together, as it wasn’t often that they had breaks in filming. Ella just wanted Hailee to be… happy.

Looking up at the clock, Ella saw that it was five minutes to six, which meant Hailee will arrive soon. Ella flung her limbs as she frantically ran to the large mirror in her bedroom to make sure that she looks somewhat presentable for her guest. It took Ella _ages_ to decide on an outfit. She couldn’t decide whether she should doll herself right up or dress as comfortable as possible in lounge clothing. She didn’t want to think about why she worried so much about how her co-star would see her, when they had spent too many busy nights looking drained and downright unattractive in set. Eventually, Ella decided on a white, short-sleeved button up top with a trimmed collar; she paired this with thin, fabric trousers with a small, orange-yellow checkered pattern that cut off right atop her ankles. She’s not one to wear shoes in her home, so she wore her normal home slippers for added comfort, which were fluffy and gray. She had also purchased the same slippers for Hailee to use tonight, although in an adorable light pink colour.

Ella couldn’t help but feel that it was different this time. She and Hailee wouldn’t be hanging out in their set or meeting room. They would be together—just the two of them—in Ella’s home. As nervous as she was to be so exposed, she also felt giddy at having the opportunity to have Hailee’s undivided attention for one night and to get to know her better.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door, obviously meaning that her guest has now arrived.

_Oh, fuck, Ella. What the hell are you getting yourself into?_

She took a deep breathe before opening the door, which proved useless once she laid eyes on Hailee. Hailee’s curls were down and wavy and she was wearing a flowy dress in the most beautiful shade of blue, decorated with small, embroidered daises. The neckline exposed her collarbones without showing excessive cleavage, which could be expected from Hailee’s reputation of having impeccable manners. The dress flowed down to right above her knees, and she wore a light, gray cardigan over it for warmth. On her feet were white, low-cut converse that Ella thought to be completely adorable and very Hailee.

“W-wow,” Ella gasped, stunned by Hailee’s careless beauty.

“Huh? El, are you okay?” Hailee chuckled and tapped her friend on the shoulder jokingly. “Here,” Hailee continued, as Ella’s vision suddenly became filled with the most gorgeous bouquet of spring flowers. “I got this for you! Thanks for inviting me over.” Hailee smiled softly, waiting for Ella to accept her gift.

“Oh, wow, those are stunning!” Ella remarked, still slightly breathless, as she took the bouquet in her hands and breathed in the scent of fresh spring flowers. Remembering her manners, she shifted her attention to her guest, who was still standing outside door. “No, thank _you_ for accepting my invitation. It is my pleasure to have you over. Come in, come in!”

Ella stepped away from the door and held it open for Hailee to pass through.

“May I hang your cardigan for you?” Ella offered, as she temporarily perched the bouquet atop her kitchen counter.

“Thank you,” Hailee smiled softly, as she took off her cardigan and handed it for Ella to hang.

“May I help you with anything?” Ella heard her guest call out to her.

“Absolutely not,” Ella scoffed, starting to feel more comfortable with each second that passed. “You’re my guest. I’m supposed to be serving you and you’re supposed to sit pretty while I do so.”

“You don’t think I’m pretty enough already?” Hailee joked, with a wink. This elicited a hearty laugh from Ella.

“No, seriously, what can I help you with?” Hailee insisted, coming up behind Ella.

“Seriously nothing,” Ella turned to face Hailee and hoped she conveyed a sense of seriousness. She prepared absolutely everything for Hailee as she didn’t want her to worry about anything at all during their time together. “Have a seat at the couch while I grab you your slippers, okay?”

Hailee scoffed in mock annoyance but obeyed her host’s instructions and sat on the couch. Ella re-appeared a few seconds later holding the fuzzy pink slippers she had purchased specificially for her friend.

“Oh, _my god,_ those are adorable!” Hailee squealed, her eyes focused on the slippers. She extended her arms and eagerly waited for Ella to hand her new favourite item over to her. “Are these for me?”

“Yes, I got them for you!” Ella replied, her smile growing brighter at seeing Hailee’s happiness over such a small item. “You can wear these when you come over. You can even scribble your name on it and everything.”

“Why would I need to scribble my name on it?” Hailee cocked an eyebrow at her friend. “How many girls do you have over at your place?”

“H-huh? Wha-what do you mean?” Ella stuttered, taken aback by her friend’s inquisition. “No one. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant—” Ella continued babbling, trying to explain herself—which she failed at, miserably. “I don’t invite many people—or girls— over and the slippers don’t mean you _have_ to come over more. I just wanted you to have something comfortable whenever you’re here.”

Ella was panicking, wondering why Hailee chose to ask if she had many _girls_ over. She knew in her heart that she was queer, but it’s not something she explicitly advertises, especially to a crew she had only known for a few weeks. Don’t get her wrong, she loved her castmates dearly, but she wasn’t at that level of comfort with them yet.

Except for Haillee… Being with Hailee made her want to take all the pieces of her soul out and hand them to her in a silver platter.

_View as you please, and as you may. I am yours to observe._

“Relax,” Hailee said softly, with a laugh. She grabbed Ella’s arm, hung on to it, and rested her head on Ella’s shoulder. “I was only joking,” Hailee explained, looking directly into Ella’s eyes. “I love them. Thank you. I think it’s very thoughtful of you.”

“Oh, good,” Ella leaned into Hailee’s body, feeling herself relax almost instantly at the contact. She looked away from Hailee’s eyes and onto her feet, which were now clad in the infamous pink fuzzy slippers.

“They _do_ look pretty darn cute,” Ella remarked, with a hint of sass. “I did a good job picking those out. You’re welcome.”

“Oh, please,” Hailee rebutted, matching Ella’s sass. “It’s cute because I’m wearing them.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, honey,” Ella shot back, letting go of Hailee’s arm and running straight for the couch, leaving her guest alone in the kitchen.

“HEY!” Hailee scrambled after her friend, laughing along the way. “You’re not supposed to run away from your house guest, you dick.”

“Too late!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the added tags *insert suspicious eyes emoji.* Things will be developing so, so very soon.. buuuutt I'll keep with the fluff in the next few chapters. Plot is important, my friends.
> 
> P.S. I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that this scene happens in SPRING, even though it's probably not accurate to when season 1 of Dickinson was actually filmed. Trust me, the seasons are relevant... I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


	5. Girls’ Night (v 2): The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailee and Ella have a movie night... then have an uncomfortable conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap yourselves in, boys and girls! We're about to have a bumpy ride.
> 
>   
> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 5

Girls’ Night (v 2): The Storm

Hailee’s POV

If Hailee were to be honest with herself, she would admit that she hadn’t had a night compare to this one.

Their faces were saturated by the light coming from the TV in front of them, which was playing some random rom com she had chosen as a joke to Ella, but now the both of them seemed to be enjoying it. Her stomach was full of the snacks thoughtfully prepared by the most wonderful girl she had ever met. In her hand is a loosely held glass half full of Riesling, which she recently found out—and therefore took a mental note of—is Ella’s favourite wine. Her legs were bent on the couch, kept warm by a thick wool blanket that she shared with Ella. There were actually _two_ blankets (that she knows Ella prepared out of respect if Hailee wanted to have some space to herself), but it could’ve been invisible as both girls didn’t even acknowledge the existence of the second blanket when they first got settled in the couch to watch a movie.

And Hailee’s favourite part of it all—if she _really_ were to be honest with herself—is how amazing she felt with her head resting on Ella’s chest as they laid casually on the couch. Ella’s arm was wrapped loosely around her waist, her other hand holding an identical, half empty glass of wine, and Hailee had never felt so scared and safe at the same time.

They didn’t start off like this.

They began the movie situated on opposite ends of the couch. As the movie continued, both girls unknowingly inched closer and closer, like neither of them could stand the subconscious thought of being so far from each other.

Due to their close proximity, Hailee could smell the faint scent of Ella’s perfume; it reminded her of Tangerines, sunshine, and summer days.

_How fitting_ , Hailee thought.

“Ella?” Hailee called out, softly, so as not to frighten the other girl who seemed to be fully invested in the movie playing out in front of them.

“Hmm?” Ella replied, her eyes lingering on the TV screen for a few seconds, trying not to miss a scene, before turning to face the girl in her arms.

“Do you feel weird?” Hailee asked, gingerly. She could feel the tension course through her body, afraid of the question she had posed.

“What do you mean?” Ella’s eyebrows scrunched up in concern, as she shifted her body to fully face Hailee. “Are you feeling ill? You’re not lactose intolerant, are you, because you just ate a lot of cheese.”

Ella’s eyes scanned Hailee’s body hurriedly, scanning for whatever it was that was causing her friend discomfort. “Do you need to go to the bathroom?” she continued, starting to panic. “I have a first aid kit. I can call the ambulance. I have a phone.” Ella let go of Hailee in a desperate attempt to search for her phone, which she just noticed has gone missing.

“Crap,” Hailee heard Ella swear to herself, “why does everything I need today keep disappearing? Don’t even remind me about that fucking Tzatziki…”

“Wait, Ella. Ella!” Hailee grabbed the frantic girl by the shoulders and forced Ella to face her.

“Ella, hey,” Hailee whispered as she cupped Ella’s face between her hands and attempted to soothe her. “I am fine,” she said in the clearest tone she could muster. “There is nothing wrong. I am not lactose intolerant. I enjoyed the food. I am not ill.”

Ella visibly relaxed. “Oh, thank God.” She leaned back onto the couch to resume her usual position and gestured for Hailee to do the same. “Don’t scare me like that again.”

Hailee rested her head back onto Ella’s chest and laughed. “What do you mean? I literally just asked you a question and you’re the one who automatically assumed I was trapped in some natural disaster.”

Ella chuckled and Hailee could hear it echo in her chest.

“Yes, you’re right.” Ella wrapped her arms around Hailee, tighter this time, as if she was afraid something was truly going to happen to the girl this time. “I guess I just care about you. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I know,” Hailee replied with a smile, pulling the blanket back over their bodies. “What I meant though, was that—Is it weird that we hang out like this? So close?”

Where Hailee once heard the echo of laughter, she could now hear a racing heartbeat.

“Uh-, “Ella stuttered, tensing visibly, not knowing how to reply. “I- I honestly don’t know. Is it weird for you?”

“No,” Hailee denied, shaking her head. “I like it. Being with you is comfortable. You make me feel safe. But— “

“But what?” Ella inquired, urging her friend to continue her train of thought.

“What if people were to see us like this?” Hailee said, so softly, afraid that Ella would be angry at her for asking such a question.

“And what about it?” Ella replied, trying to keep her frustrations hidden, but Hailee could see hurt flash in her friend’s eyes.

_Oh, no._

“What _if_ people were to see us like this?” Ella insisted, frustration lacing her tone. “Would that be wrong?”

“N-no, I don’t think it’s wrong,” Hailee panicked, starting to regret bringing up this conversation. When the question popped into her head, she didn’t think it would be harmful to ask it. It was Ella, after all, and Ella was safe. Ella always tried to understand her.

“I just—,” Hailee hesitated. She wasn’t sure how to continue.

She didn’t want to hurt Ella, but that seemed to be what she was doing right now.

She just wanted answers. She wanted clarification.

_I just want to know why you make me feel like this…_

“You just what?” Ella repeated. She was sitting up now, tears starting to form in her eyelids.

_…And I want to know if I make you feel like this too._

“I just want people to see how comfortable I am around you. How I love being around you,” Hailee continued, slowly, as if testing the waters. “But… but I don’t know if that makes me gay.”

_And there goes the storm._

Ella’s froze.

Ella was silent for a few minutes while Hailee stared at her, willing her to say something. Hailee’s heart felt like there a boa was coiled around it, squeezing the life away from her as it tightened its deathly hug around her—painfully and slowly.

She didn’t want to lose Ella, but that seemed to be what she was doing right now.

Ella finally opened her mouth but closed it again. Then, she said: “Y-you don’t want people to think you’re gay… because you’re not?”

“No—I mean—No, I don’t know,” Hailee panicked and stuffed her face in her hands out of frustration. She felt her eyes start to burn with tears waiting to be shed. “I just never had to think about it before,” she said with a sob, her emotions getting the best of her.

“Hey, hey,” Ella said, taking Hailee’s hands in hers and forcing her to look at her. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I was frustrated. I just thought—” Ella paused, then confessed: “I thought you were playing with me.”

“No, no,” Hailee covered Ella’s hands with hers, which remained cupping her face. Hailee started to cry, but she was unashamed of the tears streaming down her face. She couldn’t care less right now if her mascara was running. She needed to make sure Ella knew how she felt—whatever it was she was feeling right now.

_Do I even know what I’m feeling right now?_

“I’m not playing with you,” Hailee said, firmly, as she looked into Ella’s eyes. “I genuinely don’t know what it is I’m feeling. I’m afraid.”

_I’m afraid of what you make me feel._

“Okay,” Ella breathed and sat herself more comfortably in front of Hailee, as if knowing that this could be a long, tedious conversation for the two of them. “So, you’re not gay?” Ella asked again, for clarification.

“Well, I’m not saying I’m _not_ not gay,” Hailee explained, nervous at having to confront her deepest insecurities so suddenly. “I’ve just never really had to think about it before; my sexuality, I mean. I’ve dated so many guys.” Hailee explained. “Well,” Hailee paused, then clarified with a chuckle: “I dated _boys_.”

This caused Ella to crack a small smile in return.

“Alright,” Ella took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say. “I’m queer.”

Hailee was listening intently, hanging onto every word Ella was saying. She _wanted_ to have this conversation.

_If not now, when?_

“I’ve dated both men and women,” Ella continued, clearing her throat. “I’ve never gone so far as to label my sexuality to the tee, per se, but what I do know is that I don’t fit the binary and I am happy with that.”

Hailee smiled, her heart warming at the thought of Ella trusting her enough to divulge this part of her. “You’re so lucky you’ve got some of this figured out.”

Ella laughed, all of the frustrations from earlier has now completely dissipated. “I wouldn’t say it was the easiest journey,” Ella explained, “but it was necessary for my growth and it made me into who I am today— and I happen to love who I am.”

“Me too,” Hailee replied, with a smile. “I love who you are.”

“Yeah?” Ella grinned, which made Hailee’s heart flutter in return.

_There’s no turning back now._

“Yes,” Hailee confirmed. “I think you’re the most amazing, beautiful, intelligent, and humble person I know in the world and I thank all my lucky stars that I met you.”

Ella brought Hailee’s forehead against hers and they both closed their eyes, enjoying the closeness and not needing more than that.

Ella opened her eyes to look into Hailee’s. “So, are you questioning your sexuality?” Ella asked, very softly, as if trying to reassure Hailee that the conversation would happen at the pace only Hailee could dictate.

“I guess,” Hailee replied, starting to feel anxious again upon remembering that she has yet to figure out what exactly what she was feeling. “Do- do I need to label myself right now? Because I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling and I’m afraid.”

“No, Hailee,” Ella reassured her. “You don’t need to label yourself. Maybe in the future, you will come around to it, but it is more important that what you feel makes you happy than trying to pin a name on it.”

“Okay,” Hailee sighed in relief. “You make me feel different.”

Ella arched an eyebrow, not wanting to interrupt Hailee, but encouraging her to continue.

“When I look at you, all I ever want to be is with you. And when I’m with you, I don’t want to think about when I’m not.” Hailee said, trying her best to transform her feelings into words that she hoped she and Ella could both comprehend. “When we’re working, I can’t help but admire how beautiful you are. Those dresses make you look ethereal; but even when you’re tired after taping and wearing the baggiest clothes, I think you’re still the most stunning person in the room.”

Ella smiled at this revelation. Hailee could tell that she was trying to keep emotions in check. 

“I’ve never thought that way about a woman before and it scared me when I realized I could be different,” Hailee said, deep in thought. “Not that there’s anything wrong with being different, but you made me feel all these things all at once and I didn’t know how to process them. I didn’t even know I’d ever feel such things before.” Hailee then released a breath that she didn’t know she was holding.

“Well,” Ella took this time to interrupt. “I happen to think that _you’re_ the most stunning woman in any room.”

Hailee’s heart soared upon hearing this and she couldn’t help but let out a little giggle.

_A fucking giggle._

_Damn it, Hailee. What are you, a child?_

“What should I do, Ella?” Hailee asked, still afraid of the uncertainty she was suddenly drowning in.

“I think,” Ella began, “that you should take it one step at a time. It’s okay to feel things. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to not define your sexuality. You only have to do what makes _you_ happy. No one gets to choose how to run your life except for you.”

“Okay,” Hailee agreed, feeling eternally grateful for the girl in front of her. “Do we have to label _us_?”

Ella was slightly taken aback but regained her composure in a split second.

“I like you, Hailee,” Ella declared. “I like you, but I don’t want that weight on your shoulders. We can continue to act in a way that makes you comfortable and happy. When you’re ready, tell me and we can talk about it. I promise that you don’t owe me anything and that I’m here to help you through it all.”

“Are you sure?” Hailee hesitated. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not. If anything, you make me feel the opposite.” Ella laid back onto the couch, as if knowing that Hailee’s head was almost bursting with her thoughts and needed a distraction. “Come here. How about we watch this movie, call it a night, and talk on a day that you’re ready?”

“Okay,” Hailee agreed, feeling the stress leave her body as Ella’s warmth surrounded her.

Ella pressed a button on the TV and the movie resumed, once again illuminating their faces with bright colours and whirling shadows. 

“Ella?” Hailee whispered.

“Yes, my dear?” Ella hummed, running her hands through Hailee’s locks.

“I like you too,” Hailee confessed.

“I know,” Ella replied, then she said with a chuckle: “my little raccoon.”

“DAMN IT. I knew my mascara was running.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit personal and this is why: A similar situation happened early on in my life but it ended more drastically than this. Essentially, this is me writing how I wish that conversation would've turned out... a.k.a. with more maturity and understanding and less blaming and anger... but that shaped me into the woman I am today so I suppose, in the end, I have no regrets.
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


	6. Confrontations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long day of shooting for Ella and Adrian, which warranted a short heart-to-heart conversation between the two friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to develop the friendship Ella and Austin have, plot-wise.
> 
> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 6

Confrontations

Ella’s POV

Ella was exhausted.

It’s been a long day of re-filming shots for the next episode. It was almost 11pm and Ella was aching to lay on her bed. Thankfully, she was almost done her re-shoots. The directors just needed to screen the footage and give her the go-ahead to head home for the night before another day of shooting tomorrow.

“So, long day, huh?”

Ella turned her head to see Adrian occupying the chair next to hers. His long, curly hair was riddled with handfuls of curlers and pins in every known colour, which gave her co-worker—and, admittedly, her new best friend—the appearance of an American Girl doll.

“Yeah, I’m exhausted,” Ella admitted, turning her body so that she could see her friend better. “The episode’s looking _really_ good though. I’m glad we had the chance to fix some of the scenes.”

“You’re right, I think I look more dashing in these re-shoots,” Adrian joked, twisting his face into a supermodel pose.

“Oh, dear God,” Ella exclaimed, her own face twisting into an expression of disgust at her friend’s antics.

“Hey!” Adrian exclaimed, feigning hurt. “I know you’re not into men, but you have to at least pretend you think I’m handsome. What’s going to happen to my ego when my number one fan stops adoring me???”

Ella laughed, then replied: “Even though I don’t have my eyes on a man right now, don’t forget that I’d still very much sell my soul for a night with Jake Gyllenhaal.”

“Right, right,” Adrian corrected himself. “My apologies. You’re not into a man right now because you are _very much_ into one woman in particular, eh?” Adrian wiggled his eyebrows, throwing lightness into what could be a serious conversation.

“Well,” Ella hesitated, not because she was uncertain about how she felt about _that woman_ in question—she has actually never been so sure about anything in her life— but because of the uncertainty in their situation overall.

“It’s complicated,” Ella replied with a sigh. “And I don’t want to put words into her mouth. I don’t want anything to come from me. She has the right to speak her own truth when she is ready to.”

“I understand,” Adrian smiled, and Ella _knew_ in her heart that Adrian truly did.

That is what she loved about Adrian: his seeming endless capacity to understand and to listen. In addition to that, he also managed to weave lightness and comfort into any grave conversation topic. Being with him was easy, like the breeze in a beautiful spring morning.

“For the record,” Adrian continued, carefully, “I can see the way she looks at you and there is definitely something there. I know it’s not my place to assume anything between the two of you—because that’s _your_ story to tell; not mine— but I know when I see love because that’s how I feel about my partner.”

Ella smiled. “Thanks, Adrian. We’re really just trying to figure it out. The last thing I ever want to do is pressure her and push her away from me. Having her as a friend is better than not having her at all,” Ella admitted, her words laced with nothing but the whole truth.

“Well,” Adrian heaved himself out of the chair and stood up. “I’ll leave ‘ya to it, my dear friend. I think I still got some scenes to reshoot, but I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Ella nodded and said her goodbyes as she watched Adrian head back into set.

“Oh, and Ella?” Austin paused and turned to face her once again.

“Yeah?”

“For the record,” her friend added, “I really hope you two work it out because what you have with each other isn’t one that should be wasted.”

Adrian turned away before Ella could reply, clearly not needing a response to what he knew was true.

Ella should really be surprised that Adrian knew exactly what was going on between herself and… _her._ Truthfully, he deserves some credit; he’s more observant than Ella expected. No names were mentioned in the conversation they just had, but they were exactly on the same page.

Ella sat there for a bit longer, wondering if everyone else could also see what Adrian saw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter's gonna be a bit more exciting ;)
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


	7. Volcanoes (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailee is afraid of the volcano (and rightfully so).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT, nothing actually happens in this chapter (let's all just calm ourselves here), but note the change of rating to MATURE due to discussion of mature subjects (obviously). This chapter will be marked with an (M) in the title in accordance with that rating change.
> 
> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 7

Volcanoes

Hailee’s POV

“ _WHAT?!?”_ Hailee screeched into her empty dressing room. She couldn’t believe what she was reading. “They want me to _WHAT?!?!”_

Hailee squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples. She was starting to panic. She knew that being an actress—or any form of artist, really— meant living a life with constant challenges and new experiences; but _this_ …

She wasn’t sure if she was ready for this.

“I have to go see Ella,” Hailee said, decidedly, as she carefully maneuvered her bulky dress out of the chair, trying very hard not to destroy anything. The costume department spends hours and hours on the outfits for the show, and she didn’t want to ruin an outfit… again.

“ELLA! Ella, are you in here?” Hailee yelled out, as she frantically knocked at the door of Ella’s dressing room.

“Why, hello, Ms. Dickinson,” Ella greeted as she answered the door, charm laced in her silky voice. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

Hailee pushed her way past Ella and onto her friend’s tiny couch. Hailee has been in Ella’s dressing room numerous times, as much as Ella had been in hers. There was no longer any need for pleasantries when it came to the two girls.

They had a special sort of spiritual intimacy that could never be explained.

“Have you seen the new script?” Hailee demanded, and Ella could hear the worry in the girl’s voice.

“No, not yet.” Ella was starting to get worried. “Why?”

“Just read page 11,” Hailee replied before dropping her own script on the floor and putting her face in her hands.

“Okay…” Ella took a step back and grabbed the script from her desk, not once removing her gaze from her distressed friend.

There was the sound of papers being rifled through, then there was silence.

A burdening silence.

Minutes went by before Hailee summoned the courage to lift her head and break the silence that made her feel like her entire body was wrapped in eggshells.

“Well?” Hailee prompted, waiting for Ella’s reaction to _the_ scene.

“Well,” Ella huffed and took a seat next to Hailee, not yet meeting her eyes. “This is certainly going to be interesting.”

“That’s all you have to say!? Interesting!?” Hailee forcefully leaned back onto the couch. “We have to have sex and all you have to say is ‘It’s interesting.” Hailee huffed and crossed her arms on her chest.

Ella turned around to face her friend, finally ready to address the situation. Truthfully, it was going to be awkward for her too—but not in the way that Hailee thought.

_Or was it?_

“To be fair, it doesn’t actually say _sex_. We just… have an intimate scene.”

Hailee finally met her friend’s gaze and arched her eyebrow incredulously. “So, you _fingering_ me in the bed isn’t a sex scene? Oh, really now?”

Hailee didn’t understand why Ella wasn’t freaking out like she was. Her heart hasn’t stopped pounding in her chest since the second she laid eyes on the scene in the script. Although, Hailee would be lying if the situation didn’t make her feel the _tiniest_ bit of excitement— but that’s exactly what scared her.

_What if it all felt too real?_

“Alright, let’s talk about this,” Ella said with an air of seriousness.

This is one of the reasons Hailee loved—I mean, _liked—_ Ella. Hailee never had to feel embarrassed talking to Ella about anything: her fears, her insecurities, or her anxieties. Ella was just Ella. She listened. She understood. She helped.

“I know sex scenes can be intimidating,” Ella began, “but what _exactly_ are you fearing right now?”

_Ella always understood; even when Hailee couldn’t understand herself._

“Well,” Hailee hesitated, “I’ve never done it before.”

“You’ve never had sex?” Ella tried to clarify.

“No, I-I’ve had sex,” Hailee chuckled nervously, rubbing her neck in discomfort. “I meant, I’ve never had to _film_ a sex scene; and I’m guessing it doesn’t exactly go as it does in real life.”

“Yes,” Ella chuckled, “it’s more _technical_ when we’re filming it. The lights, the crew… They’re around you at all times. It helps, actually. It doesn’t feel too scary when you’re constantly reminded that you’re only acting and that’s just one of the things you have to do for your job.”

“Is it awkward, though?” Hailee asked her clearly more-experienced friend. “Having to— _you know_ —react?”

“You mean, having to act out an orgasm?” Ella laughed when she saw how Hailee scrunched at the nose when she said the word “orgasm.”

“Oh, come on,” Ella nudged Hailee with her elbow. “We’re grown women. We can say orgasm without summoning the devil. We should own that word. Women orgasm too.”

“I know, I know,” Hailee replied, feeling slightly better as the conversation continued.

“I feel better that it’s you I have to do it with. You make me feel comfortable,” Hailee admitted. “But what if I can’t make it look real?”

Ella perched her chin on her hand as she also leaned back on the couch. “Good question,” she began, “I guess the one advice I can give you is to _really_ immerse yourself in your character.”

“What do you mean,” Hailee asked, needing more clarification.

“I know that it’s what we do as actors anyway; we have to _become_ our characters to bring the scenes and the story to life,” Ella explained. “In this case, we have to feel as our character _feels_. Put yourself in Emily’s situation; feel what she would feel if she were to be intimate with Sue. Just think about it as Emily’s feelings for Sue erupting like a volcano would.”

“You mean,” Hailee asked, “I should imagine it in my head—while we’re filming— that Emily and Sue are actually doing it… and act that out?”

  
“Yes,” Ella chuckled, “that they’re _doing it_. What a classy way of putting it.”

“Hey,” Hailee playfully shoved her friend away, “don’t laugh. I just want to do this right, you know?”

“I know, Hailee,” Ella looked at her with a soft smile. “I know. I’m scared too, you know… Especially because it’s you that I’m doing it with.”

“Hm?” Hailee was confused.

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten this pertinent fact, but…” Now it was Ella’s turn to be embarrassed and rub her neck. “I still do harbour… feelings… for you.”

“Oh, right,” Hailee laughed at herself, “I’m so stupid. Of course.”

_Me too._

But Hailee didn’t say that.

Hailee took the moment to take her friend’s hand in hers, playfully lacing their fingers together.

“I guess I didn’t think about it that way,” Hailee continued, deep in thought. “For me, I’m just thankful that it’s _you_ , because there’s no one else I could be vulnerable with without freaking out, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Ella sighed in adoration of the gorgeous girl beside her. “Me too.”

“But _we’re_ going to be okay, right?” Hailee looked up from their intertwined hands and into Ella’s eyes. “It’s only our characters feeling those… _things_?”

Hailee couldn’t see this, but Ella felt a slight pang in her heart upon hearing Hailee say those words.

“Yes,” Ella breathed out, slowly. “It’s only our characters.”

Hailee nodded, feeling eternally grateful that she was working with the girl she liked—the girl who understood her completely without needing to explain herself.

But while Hailee found peace within this conversation, Ella sat there, worried, trying to fight the storm that was starting to brew in her head—and her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone wanna guess what the next chapter's gonna be on? HAHA. Or is it?
> 
> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


	8. Lights, Magma, Action! (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella tries to show Hailee what a volcano feels like-- well, to film the scene, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, is it getting a little bit hot in here or is that just me?
> 
> P.S. Take note of the mature (not explicit-- yet) rating, my friends.
> 
> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

_Breathe in._

“Alright, set lights turning on in three...”

_Breathe out._

“Is the makeup crew ready?”

_Breathe in once more..._

“... two, and one.”

_...and breathe out._

“We ready, girls?”

_Open your eyes, Hailee._

“Yes…

We’re ready.”

~ ~ ~

Hailee was sitting on the edge of her (well, Emily’s) bed, waiting for her (again, Emily’s) lover.

Tonight, was the night.

Tonight, _the_ scene would finally be filmed.

Hailee would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about this scene.

She’s actually thought about it.

_A lot._

More than she would ever admit.

Usually at night.

She thought about it at night when she would be alone in her bed; her sheets clinging to her sweat-drenched skin; waking up from a dream that felt too damn good to be true.

She thought about it in the early hours of the day when she would step in the shower; when she wondered what it felt like to have loving arms wrap around her from behind; when the heat from their moving bodies could rival the hottest shower.   
  


She thought about it when she undressed from a long night of filming; when she wondered what it would feel like if another pair of hands— a specific pair— slid her clothes away from her skin for her, teasingly and purposefully.

It didn’t matter what time of day she thought about it or where she would be when she thought about it…

It always led to her hands between her legs, biting her lip to keep from moaning a name she knows isn’t hers to scream.

“Hailee?”

A delicate and shy— but never unwelcome— voice snapped Hailee out of her daydreams.

“Y-yeah?” Hailee replied.

_Oh, wow._

Hailee laid eyes on Ella walking towards her.

Ella was clad in a thin, pearly white nightgown that flowed around her as she moved— like an angel’s wings during flight. Her hair remained pin around the crown of her head (as Sue tends to have), but the bottom was free from its confines; Ella’s short brown locks danced around the nape of her neck, begging for slender fingers to wrap around it.

To think about it, Hailee and Ella’s costumes for the night were almost identical— but how Ella looked in hers left Hailee fighting for her breath.

“How are you feeling? You ready for this?” Ella asked, with the sweetest smile. She sat on the bed— their bed— but on the opposite side, as if she sat any closer, Hailee would shatter like glass under pressure.

“I guess you can never be fully ready for stuff like this, right?” Hailee chuckled awkwardly, looking down at her hands because you should never look directly at an eclipse.

Then, a soft, thin hand reached out to touch hers, rubbing it gently—reassuringly.

“It’s you and me, Hailee,” Ella whispered. “We’re golden.”

At this, Hailee raised her eyes to meet Ella’s. She saw genuine concern in those brown orbs; but also, there was a hint of adoration, and—dare she say—excitement.

“I just—If I mess up, I don’t want to bring you down, you know?” Hailee muttered, genuinely afraid of her own lack of experience. She didn’t want to be a burden.

“We will take as long as we take,” Ella replied, and from the tone of her voice, Hailee knew that she meant it.

“Okay,” Hailee breathed out.

“I’m ready.”

~ ~ ~

“I think I know what a volcano feels like.”

Hailee was lying on her back, looking up at Ella, who was perched up on her elbow at Hailee’s side. Ella’s hand was clasped between Hailee’s and rested on Hailee’s abdomen, exactly as the script dictated.

_If only this wasn’t happening on a set…_

“You do?” Hailee replied with barely a whisper.

Ella nodded, their eyes never breaking contact.

“Show me,” Hailee breathed out, her chest beginning to heave with anticipation.

Ella’s hand slowly slipped out of Hailee’s grasp and crept downwards.

Hailee closed her eyes and tried to heed her friend’s advice.

_Just imagine being Emily. Feel what Emily feels._

“Wait, cut,” a stern voice called out from behind the lights.

“What?” Ella replied, confused.

Hailee opened her eyes and found Alena staring right down at her.

“Hailee, why are you frowning?” the writer asked.

“W-what do you mean? Was I frowning?” Hailee asked the writer, panic beginning to course through her veins.

“Yes,” Alena replied with the tiniest bit of annoyance in her voice. “It was going well, then you closed your eyes and you just—you started frowning. Honestly,” Alena continued, “you looked constipated.”  
  


“Well, I am not,” Hailee scoffed. “Let me try again.”

“Look,” Alena replied, starting to feel bad about making Hailee freak out. “Why don’t I give you two some time—right here, in bed—and you can kind of talk through your plan of action? Yeah? Sounds good? Alright, take 5.”

And Alena was gone.

“Was I frowning?” Hailee asked Ella, suddenly feeling like she wanted to burst into tears. “I can’t believe I’m messing this up. I _knew_ this was going to be too much for me.”

  
  
“Hey, hey,” Ella hushed, running her fingers through Hailee’s hair. Hailee immediately succumbed to her touch, but her worries would not ease up.

“Some of the shots can be salvaged from the shot we did, so how about we just add onto that, okay?” Ella offered in a soft voice. “Tell me what your process was.”

“Well,” Hailee concentrated, trying to remember exactly what she tried to do at that time. “I closed my eyes because I wanted to listen to your advice and feel like Emily would if she were to be intimate with Sue.”

“Good, that’s a good start,” Ella replied, encouragingly. “But I think we need a little more than that, so we will need a plan B.”

“Okay. I can work with a plan B,” Hailee nodded, determined to do her job well and make her crew proud.

“How about—instead of closing your eyes—you just look at me?” Ella suggested.

“You mean, you want me to look at you.”

  
“Yes.”

“You want me to look at you while I imagine that you’re fingering me.”

“Yes.”

_Well, fuck._

“I—I don’t know what difference that would make, though,” Hailee whined, slightly turned on by the idea but still doubting her abilities to perform. “Won’t it just be the same? What if, instead of frowning, I just end up glaring at you?”

  
Ella chuckled at that, as if she could visualize it in her head.

“Well, what if I have a plan B part 2?”

“You’re really bad at naming these plans of yours.”

Ella slapped Hailee’s shoulder jokingly. “Don’t knock it ‘till you try it.”

“Alright, alright,” Hailee replied, feeling lighter already with just a few minutes of talking to Ella. “What is your _genius_ plan B part 2?”

“First of all,” Ella sassed, “I never said it was genius. Second of all, you know how we start off holding hands and it’s kind of near your… nether region?” Ella winced, trying very hard to pick the least embarrassing slang for vagina.

“Just say vagina, Ella,” Hailee replied, amused at Ella’s discomfort. “But go on…”

“Okay, so when our hands are near your _vagina_ , the camera is probably going to follow my hand running up your knee, yes?”

Hailee nodded, trying her best to follow her friend’s train of thought.

“The magic of TV is that they’ll never show _too much_ , if you know what I mean. So, I am suspecting that the shot will stop halfway through your thigh and will cut to our faces or some other feature that is _not_ borderline-pornographic.”

“I mean,” Hailee started to contradict, “if you asked me, this whole thing is wildly po—”

“Well, that’s why I didn’t ask you, did I?” Ella snapped, her British accent coming out full force.

Hailee laughed at this at first but decided that now is the time to be serious as time was running out.

“Okay,” Hailee recapped, “So the scene cuts from your hand coming up my thigh to our faces… and then what do _we_ do?”

“H-how about,” Ella stuttered, starting to be nervous at her own idea, which was not reassuring for Hailee. “You place your hand flat and I kind of—just draw patterns on it like I would if I were actually—you know.”  
  


Hailee was aghast.

“You want to finger my hand.”  
  


“Well, damn, Hailee,” Ella scoffed, “if you say it like that, it sounds creepy.”

“That’s because it is!” Hailee argued.

“But it actually might work,” she added.

Ella arched an eyebrow, surprised that Hailee didn’t argue more about her idea. “You think so?”

Hailee laughed. “Well, at this point, what have I got to lose, right? Plan A already blew up on my face.”

Ella then readjusted her position so she could cup Hailee’s face with her hands. “We’ll take as long as we take, Hailee. Just—just look at me and try to feel what I’m doing, okay?”

Hailee nodded, nervous.

“Do you trust me?” Ella whispered, tracing her fingers along Hailee’s jawline.

“Yes,” Hailee whispered.

_With my life._

~ ~ ~

“I think I know what a volcano feels like.”  
  
 _Here we go._

“You do?”

_I can do this._

“Yeah.”

_I trust you, Ella._

“Show me.”

_I trust you_.

Ella looked straight into Hailee’s eyes, which Hailee met, eagerly. Ella’s hands broke free from her grasp and began her descent.

Ella’s fingertips barely grazed Hailee’s knee, but Hailee’s skin _burned_ wherever Ella touched her.

Ella’s fingers hooked onto the hem of her dress and slowly pushed it up against her thigh.

Hailee gazed up into Ella’s eyes and felt that this time… this time was _different._

There were no flashing lights; no mutterings between the directors; no bustling of crewmen trying to adjust the equipment to enhance the scene.

Everything else faded away.

It was just Ella and Hailee.  
  
  


Sue and Emily.

_Hunger and desire._

Remembering Ella’s advice, Hailee slowly positioned her hand between her legs, where Ella could reach it. She placed it about halfway along her thigh, right where the hem of her dress reached. Like planned, Ella’s hand followed, ready to begin.

Hailee searched Ella’s eyes for hesitation, but all she could find was adoration… tenderness… _lust_.

With a gulp, Hailee indiscreetly nodded, knowing that her friend was particularly good at reading her cues.

Noticing her cue, Ella licked her lips and began to move her hand.

Hailee closed her eyes.

Ella began by using her fingertip to trace up and down the length of Hailee’s hand. Her touch was light, but it made goosebumps erupt on every inch of Hailee’s skin. Then, pausing right below her wrist, Ella began to draw the tiniest circles—fast, then slow.

In her head, Hailee started to imagine—not Sue and Emily—but _Ella and Hailee._

Hailee imagined Ella laying on top of her, messing up the sheets of her King-size bed.

Hailee imagined Ella kissing her neck, nibbling and sucking, leaving a mark to prove to the world what they’ve done.

Hailee imagined Ella’s body writhing against hers, their limbs tangled, as they moaned in pleasure.

Hailee’s breathing started to pick up, panting slightly as it was all starting to feel real.

“S-sue,” Hailee moaned, barely making it out.

Upon hearing this, Ella’s hand momentarily stilled, surprised at Hailee’s reaction. Then, before a second had even passed, Ella’s movements became more determined— more skilled.

Ella began to alternate between circling and flicking. Her fingers—two of them now—began to inch down to the lower part of Hailee’s hand, right at the flesh where two fingers are joined.

“Emily,” Ella whispered, her voice dripping with desire. “You’re doing so good, Emily.”

Ella spent a few seconds running her fingertips up and down the space between Hailee’s fingers, then…

Ella pushed her fingers through.

Hailee’s eyes snapped open, instantly connecting with Ella’s.

She imagined Ella’s fingers within her, reaching depths that existed only in her fantasies.

And Hailee let go.

Her mouth snapped, back arching off the bed.

“Emily, yes, fuck,” Ella moaned, biting her lip. “ _Emily.”_

Hailee couldn’t tell if it was her imagination or if it was the lust fogging her brain, but she almost felt Ella shift positions, as if she tried to lean down and kiss her.

_Why didn’t you?_

Hailee collapsed onto the bed, panting—she ached for Ella, in her heart and _somewhere else_.

“WOW! JUST WOW!” The same voice from earlier interrupted their haze, and clapping could be heard all around the set.

“That take was _wonderful_. It was perfect. Everything was done exactly as I had envisioned, if not better,” Alena gushed, excitement evident in her voice, much like a child on Christmas morning.

“We’re all finished! Let’s wrap up so you girls can have a rest, okay? Same time tomorrow!”

Alena stepped off the set, but she might as well have been invisible.

Ella and Hailee remained in bed, seemingly frozen in time, as if both girls were trying to engrave the moment in their brains.

Not once did their eyes stray from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... I have no words (used it all up writing this chapter).


	9. Behind the Lights (E)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Hailee and Ella film an intimate scene between Emily and Sue... Well, volcanoes happen, that's what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE THE CHANGE OF RATING TO EXPLICIT! 
> 
> This chapter definitely has smut, alright.
> 
> Disclaimer: All the events described in this story are completely FICTIONAL and in no way associated with the actors' personal lives. This is merely a creative outlet featuring made-up situations that are not intended to cause any sort of disrespect. None of this is based on any truth. Only the character's first names will be mentioned; surnames will not be used in tags or in the story itself.

Chapter 9

Behind the Lights

Hailee’s POV

_“I think I know what a volcano feels like.”_

The scene continued to play in the director’s screen as the entire crew watched. Ella and Hailee were standing on either side of Alena, who was nothing short of ecstatic. Hailee knew that Alena seeing her vision come to life so fruitfully (pun intended) was a dream come true for the writer

However, Hailee was far too _bothered_ to be properly proud. She had not yet recovered from her scene with Ella. There was a persistent ache between her legs that she was trying very hard to ignore.

It didn’t help that Ella was standing _so close_ to her as they watched the scene.

_Why do I even have to watch this,_ Hailee thought to herself, grumbling in frustration. _I was in it. I know what happens._

Hailee was counting the seconds in her head until the scene ended and she could sneak away to her dressing room— away from the catalyst to the fire burning inside of her.

_I have to get out of here_.

“Phew, is everyone feeling a bit warm in here?” Hailee voiced out, hoping that her excuse wasn’t too obvious.

Alena turned her head to look at Hailee. “Well, summer did just start. Alright, you two can go freshen up and head home. Amazing job today, girls!”

_Oh, thank God._

“Alright, cool. Bye!”

Hailee ran the entire way to her dressing room, but she was certain that the physical exertion wasn’t the cause for the palpitations she was feeling in her chest. Hovering over the sink, she splashed some cold water onto her face and started at herself in the mirror.

“Get your shit together, Hailee,” she whispered to her reflection. “It was just a scene. You’re an actor. Your professionalism is the only thing that keeps a roof above your head.”

The longer Hailee looked at herself, the more she realized that her problem would not go away without some _… action._

“Ugh,” Hailee grunted, walking over to lock the door to her dressing room. “What are you, a hormonal teenager?”

Before she could reach the door, she heard a faint knock. She opened the door and…

“Hey.”

Hailee couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw Ella standing at her doorstep.

“H-hi,” Hailee replied, trying to calm herself. Just looking at Ella filled her with an intense need to have her.

_Don’t be a weirdo, Hailee,_ she silently reminded herself. _Keep your hormones in check._

“Are you okay? What are you doing here?” Hailee was genuinely curious as to why Ella was at her doorstep.

_Don’t go around jumping to conclusions, Hailee._

“Yes, yes. I’m fine. I just—” Ella stared at her feet. “Can I come in? Do you mind?”

“No, I don’t mind at all,” Hailee responded nervously as she opened the door wider to let the girl in. “I was just freshening up, that’s all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt,” Ella froze, realizing that it was foolish to come barging into people’s dressing rooms right before quitting time.

“No, no, what the hell,” Hailee brushed Ella’s concerns aside and insisted that her friend come in. “You’re never bothering me, okay?”

Finally agreeing, Ella sat on the small couch in Hailee’s dressing room—the only couch.

Rather than sit on the couch with Ella, Hailee stiffly leaned against the wall facing it. Normally, she would not hesitate to plop herself next to her friend, but she was afraid to be so close to Ella right now.

_What if I can’t stop myself?_

“Um,” Hailee cleared her throat. “Did you want some water or anything? I got some snacks here too, I think.”

“Oh, no thank you,” Ella replied with a restrained smile. “But I appreciate the offer.”

“It’s no problem at all.” Hailee crossed her arms over her chest, needing something to do with her hands.  
  
A heavy silence hung over the two girls as there were so many things to be said, but neither girl knew how to approach the situation.

“So,” Ella began, hesitantly. “I just came by to say that I’m proud of how you did on the scene. I know you were really nervous about it, but we aced it on the second try.”

Hailee knew that Ella meant what she said with utmost sincerity. Ella was the most supportive co-star she could ever ask for and Hailee was grateful for her every day.

“Thank you, but I really couldn’t have done it without you, Ella.”

_Literally._

“Why are you so far away,” Ella inquired.

“N-no reason,” Hailee replied.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and decided that there was probably no harm in sitting next to Ella on the couch. Besides, if she kept acting weird, Ella will know how much the intimacy scene affected her. She needed to act cool and unbothered.

The two girls turned their torsos, so they were facing each other on the couch.

“Anyway,” Ella said with a small chuckle. “I only gave you some advice, but you carried that scene all the way.” Ella looked straight into Hailee’s eyes. “You were amazing. You _are_ amazing, Hailee.”

Hailee felt herself get lost in the pools of Ella’s eyes.

“No,” Hailee whispered, barely audible. “You are absolutely _everything_ , Ella.”

A second passed by before Hailee lost control and leaned forward to clash her lips onto Ella’s.

Hailee expected to be pushed away.

Hailee expected Ella to resist her.

Instead, Ella gasped and responded to Hailee’s kiss instantly, as if she waited all her life for the moment to happen.

Hailee held Ella by the nape of her neck as she kissed her harder. Ella responded with a small moan as she tangled her fingers into Hailee’s wavy locks.

“God, I can’t believe this is finally happening,” Hailee whispered against Ella’s lips as she changed the angle of the kiss, her tongue teasing Ella’s bottom lip.

“I wanted you so bad,” Ella whispered back, gasping for breath but unwilling to remove her lips from Hailee’s. “You have no idea how much I wanted to kiss you back there.”

Hailee moaned upon hearing that Ella wanted her just as much as she did.

_So, I wasn’t crazy for wanting you._

Hailee moved her hands from the base of Ella’s neck to her waist and pulled. Ella followed Hailee’s direction and moved her leg up to straddle her. Hailee removed her lips from Ella’s only to place them on her jaw, planting wet, sloppy kisses all the way to her neck.

When Hailee’s breath hit Ella’s pulse point, Ella gasped and tightened her grip on Hailee’s hair. Hailee smirked and began to suck and nip at Ella’s sensitive point, eager to make the girl on her lap make that beautiful sound again.

“Hailee,” Ella whined as she grabbed at the fabric of Hailee’s dress. “Off.”

“Hang on,” Hailee replied, quickly lifting herself up with Ella still in her lap. She leaned forward until she hovered over Ella’s trembling body.

Hailee then sat up on her knees, stared directly at the heaving girl below her, and took her dress off over her head. She heard Ella’s breath hitch at the sight of her.

Hailee felt a wave of pleasure course through her as Ella placed her hand flat on Hailee’s stomach and traced her fingers up to the gap between Hailee’s breasts.

“You’re so beautiful,” Ella breathed as she shifted her gaze to meet Hailee’s. “You have no idea how stunning you are.”  
  


Hailee felt her heart thump in her chest as emotions threatened to escape her.

Rather than tell Ella how much she adored her, Hailee decided that she was going to show her.

Hailee reunited their lips and kissed Ella with greater passion than before. Their lips moved effortlessly, as if they’ve done this in a different life.

Hailee nibbled on Ella’s bottom lip and Ella gasped. Hailee took the opportunity to explore Ella’s mouth with her tongue, needing more of the girl with each second that passed. Their tongues battled for dominance as their kisses became increasingly heated by the second.

Ella’s moved her hands from Hailee’s hair to her back, her fingers stilling at the clasp of Hailee’s bra. Hailee— unwilling to remove her lips from Ella’s long enough to utter her consent— took her own hand away from Ella’s hips to unclasp her own bra. She threw the unwanted garment over her head and heard it thump on the floor somewhere.

“I need you, Ella,” Hailee moaned as Ella cupped her breasts in her hands, massaging them.

“You have me,” Ella whispered.

Hailee’s heart skipped a beat at hearing Ella say that she was hers.

Hailee stopped kissing Ella for a second, which Ella did not seem to like. As Hailee moved her face away a few inches, Ella craned her neck forward, seeking to reconnect their lips once more.

“Wait,” Hailee said, taking a moment to look at the girl below her.

Ella’s hair was wild and messy; her eyes, dilated and searching. Hailee felt her throat dry up as Ella licked her lips, trying to catch her breath.

Hailee gently ran her fingers along Ella’s jaw without breaking eye contact.

“Are you sure you want this?” Hailee whispered.

Hailee knew that, for her, she was all in; but as much as she wanted Ella, Hailee did not want to continue without Ella’s full consent.

“I want this… More than anything,” Ella replied. She then took Hailee’s hand and placed it on her chest. “You feel that?”

Hailee nodded, surprised at the feeling Ella’s racing heartbeat. For some reason, even though she knew that Ella returned every single one of her kisses with the same fervor, Hailee didn’t realize how _real_ this was until she felt Ella’s heart thump beneath her palm.

“It beats for you,” Ella said, softly and tenderly. “I want this. I want you.”

Finally satisfied with Ella granting her consent, Hailee grabbed the hem of Ella’s dress and slowly pulled it off. Hailee’s eyes travelled up every inch of Ella’s skin, marvelling at the sheer beauty of the girl below her.

“God, how are you even real,” Hailee murmured, running her hands up Ella’s thighs and across her stomach, enjoying the feeling of Ella’s skin on hers.

Hailee leaned down and took Ella’s lips into another kiss, this time much slower and gentler. Ella smiled against Hailee’s lips, returning the kiss with every ounce of emotion they contained in their hearts.

  
Hailee pushed the straps of Ella’s bra away and kissed the newly exposed skin of her shoulders. She then made her way to Ella’s chest, planting wet kisses and sucking marks onto Ella’s porcelain skin. She didn’t care who saw the marks. Hailee wanted the world to know that Ella was made love to tonight.

Hailee kissed the tops of Ella’s breasts then dragged her tongue down the valley between them, stopping at Ella’s bra. She gazed up toward the girl, who nodded. Hailee then slid her hand under Ella’s back, unclasped her bra, and chucked it somewhere above her head.

With Ella’s bra finally off, Hailee eagerly took Ella’s sensitive nub in her mouth and sucked.

“G-god, Hailee,” Ella moaned, grabbing at whatever part of Hailee she could reach.

The two girls lay flat against each other, but neither of them felt they were close enough.

Hailee switched her attention to Ella’s other nipple while she slowly slid her hand down Ella’s stomach. Her fingers danced lightly atop the band of Ella’s underwear, which drove the girl crazy.

“Hailee, please,” Ella breathed out, desperate for Hailee to touch her where she needed.

Hailee smirked and released Ella’s breast from her mouth with a pop.

“What do you want, Ella,” Hailee whispered scooted a bit lower to plant wet kisses along Ella’s firm abdomen, enjoying the way Ella’s muscles fluttered at her touch.

“Touch me,” Ella moaned, then looked down at the girl who made her feel everything. “I want to make love with you.”

Hailee’s heart stuttered when Ella said that she wanted to “make love” with her, rather than “fuck” or “have sex.” This meant a lot to Hailee. She had been pining for the girl for so long, but her own conflicting emotions kept her from fully making Ella hers.

Hailee kept gazing into Ella’s eyes, hoping that Ella could see the sincerity and pure adoration in hers. She slid back up and kissed Ella’s lips, softly and lovingly.

“Then let me make love to you,” Hailee whispered against Ella’s lips as she lowered her hand down to Ella’s clothed crotch. She gasped when she felt the wetness that drenched through Ella’s underwear.

“Fuck, Ella,” Hailee whispered, “you’re so wet.”

Ella whimpered when Hailee finally touched her. “It’s all for you. Only for you.”

Hailee sucked on Ella’s neck as she grabbed the last piece of clothing Ella had on, sliding it down her legs. Not wasting time, Hailee immediately cupped Ella’s crotch in her hand, moaning when she felt Ella’s wetness coat her palm. Hailee then took one finger and dragged it up to Ella’s sensitive clit.

“Oh, shit,” Ella breathed out, grabbing Hailee’s hair in a desperate attempt to anchor herself. “Fuck.”

Hailee drew slow circles around Ella’s clit, enjoying the noises Ella made with each movement.

“You’re so hot,” Hailee said as she kissed Ella’s lips sloppily. “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Hailee moved her finger faster, alternating between circling and flicking Ella’s sensitive nub. Ella was so wet that her fingers moved easily and without restraints.

Ella was a quivering, whimpering mess beneath her. The girl had her eyes squeezed shut in pleasure, her nails raking down Hailee’s back.

“Hailee, please,” Ella moaned. “I need you inside. Please.”

Eagerly obeying the girl’s request, Hailee dropped her finger lower, circling Ella’s entrance for a few seconds.

“Don’t tease,” Ella grunted, knowing exactly what Hailee was trying to do.

Hailee wanted to make Ella crazy, to tease her until she was quivering, desperate, and hoarse from moaning… But now was not the time. They have wanted each other for so long that they needed a release _now._

Finally, Hailee dipped her finger into Ella’s dripping core. A moan escaped her as she felt Ella’s silky heat around her finger.

“God, you feel so good,” Hailee moaned into Ella’s ear, then nibbled at the girl’s earlobe. She pushed her finger in and out, slowly at first, giving Ella time to adjust.

“More,” Ella requested in a strangled breath. “I need you.” Ella then took Hailee’s face and connected their lips together, kissing her hungrily.

As Hailee prepared to insert a second finger, she gasped as she felt Ella’s probing fingers push her underwear aside.

“Oh, oh fuck.” Hailee’s knees wobbled and her fingers stilled inside Ella’s core. Ella didn’t tease. She immediately plunged two fingers into Hailee’s dripping wet heat.

“You feel so good, oh my god,” Ella gasped as she felt Hailee increase the speed of her thrusts in response.

The two girls whimpered and moaned, as they simultaneously thrusted their fingers into each other. Their fingers were moving in sync, entering each other at the same time. They worshipped each other’s body, feeling no greater pleasure than this moment.

“I’m close,” Ella breathed out, feeling the tightness in her pelvis start to build up. “Hailee, I’m going to come.” She thrusted into Hailee’s core harder and deeper, eager to make the girl feel as good as she felt.

“M-me too,” Hailee moaned, “Come with me.”

With only a few more thrusts, both girls reached their orgasms.

“I-I’m coming,” Hailee gasped out. “Ella, I’m coming.” Her knees wobbled as the pleasure of her release coursed through her body, and she collapsed into Ella’s sweaty, quivering body.

“Hailee,” Ella chanted Hailee’s name as she orgasmed.

Both girls laid on top of each other on the couch, gasping for breath. They remained like that for a few minutes, holding each other through the aftershocks.

Hailee recovered first. She slid herself off Ella’s body and laid on her side, grabbing the girl’s hips closer to her for a snuggle. She planted a soft kiss on Ella’s sweaty forehead and ran her fingers up and down Ella’s back reassuringly.

Ella signed into Hailee’s touch and nuzzled her face into Hailee’s neck, planting soft kisses.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Hailee spoke out, finally breaking the silence.

She felt Ella’s body shake with laughter, which made her laugh as well.

“What?” Hailee retorted, glaring down at the laughing girl in her arms. “I’m serious.”

“I know,” Ella replied with a soft smile, tucking Hailee’s hair behind her ear with tenderness. “You have no idea how much I dreamed of this moment.”

Hailee leaned down to plant a soft kiss on Ella’s lips before replying. She couldn’t help it. Ella always managed to break down her walls and fill her soul with such joy and contempt.

“I spent the past few weeks trying to figure out why I felt this way for you,” Hailee whispered. “I couldn’t find an answer. At the end of the day, all I knew was that I’ve never felt this way about anyone before you.”

“You don’t have to rush anything,” Ella whispered back, pecking Hailee’s cheek with a kiss. “I’m here for you when and if you want me. There’s no one else for me but you.”

A tear escaped the corner of Hailee’s eye and slid down her cheek. Hailee couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have found someone— a girl— that cared about her so much and respected how difficult it was for her to be in this new situation.

“I’m sorry,” Hailee’s voice quivered as her emotions broke through. “I’m sorry you have to like someone who doesn’t have their shit figured out.”  
  


Ella quickly shook her head and leaned up to kiss the tears away from Hailee’s face.

  
“You don’t have to apologize, Hailee,” Ella said with sincerity. “We’ll take as long as it takes. I’m truly, fully, wholeheartedly yours.”

  
Hailee took Ella’s lips in hers into a slow and gentle kiss. “Please wait for me,” Hailee whispered once they stopped their kiss for air. “I just need some time.”

“I’d wait forever,” Ella replied, sealing her promise with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how hard this was for me to write LOL 
> 
> Probably one more chapter of fluff before... well, you'll see (I'm sorry in advance, but a writer's gotta do what a writer's gotta do).

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment to tell me what you think! Opinions, theories, and suggestions are welcome :)
> 
> PLEASE don't repost or convert without my permission. Thank you!


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